I’ve been down on the bottom of a whirlpool of lies I ain’t lookin’  for nothin’ In anyone’s eyes – Bob Dylan — These week 17 NFL Picks would like you to duck back to an ignorant age when everyone knew their place. Back then, the Cleveland Browns place was first. That’s right, a long…


They said there’ll be snow at Christmas They said there’ll be peace on Earth But instead it just kept on raining A veil of tears for the virgin birth – Emerson, Lake & Palmer — Dear Santa, you cookie-stealing hippie. These week 16 NFL picks are my wish list, along with peace on Earth, and…


I’m in position, you can’t play me out da pocket I’ll take the dopest beat you got and I’ll rock-it – Public Enemy — These week 15 NFL picks are legally stoned and in a Mandela-forgiving, Pope-for-the-poor mood in Uruguay with the NFL officials from last week’s Browns / Patriots game. These guys crack me…


Trouble ahead, trouble behind And you know that notion Just crossed my mind – The Grateful Dead — These week 12 NFL picks are running a little late because I was in a drunken stupor, eh? I mean, did you see the game Jason Cambell played for the Browns last week? You did? Oh, so…


Would you teach your children to tell the truth? Would you take the high road if you could choose? – John Mellencamp — Let me be clear. These week 11 NFL picks are correct, period. In fact, the Cleveland Browns are going to beat the Cincinnati Bengals, exclamation point. Do you understand, question mark. My…


You’ve got to change your evil ways, baby Before I stop loving you – Santana — Week 10 NFL Picks for Bullies is the first of a new series of reference books to compete with the For Dummies books, and with the Complete Idiot’s Guides. Are you a dick? These Week 10 NFL Picks For…


Every breath you take Every move you make – The Police — Cleveland Browns fan Angela Merkel is now making her Week 9 NFL Picks. We at the NSA hear everything the German Chancellor says. Do you want to know what she thinks about Brandon Weeden? Let us, your weirdly anonymous government overseer – think…


Oh a storm is threatening my very life today If I don’t get some shelter Oh yeah, I’m gonna fade away – The Rolling Stones — Welcome to Week NFL 8 picks at the Obamacare website, where nothing works. For instance, these are hockey scores. If you have a pre-existing condition such as cheering for…