“Regrets, I’ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention” – Frank Sinatra — These week 17 NFL picks, on the advice of a singing psychic composed entirely of vodka and makeup, will now take my final curtain. I am checking in from the Trump & Gun Bowling Lanes, where I always perform…
2015 season
She wrote upon it Return to sender, address unknown No such address, no such zone – Elvis Presley — These week 16 NFL picks by the Returns Department see an awful lot of football fans out there in line trying to return their team’s season. A lot of Browns fans. Familiar faces. I see them…
You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch – The Grinch Who Stole Christmas — These week 15 NFL Picks by Ebeneezer Scrooge, Cleveland Browns fan, have already seen three ghosts and a Donald Trump speech, but nothing scares me. I still hate Christmas. I believe Christmas is the only thing Donald Trump does not hate. But…
Whatever you’re looking for Hey! Don’t come around here no more – Tom Petty — These week 14 NFL Picks say that until we can figure out what is going on with the Cleveland Browns situation, which may take forever, no more Browns fans should be allowed to enter the United States. In fact, I’d…
And you tell me Over and over and over again, my friend Ah, you don’t believe We’re on the eve of destruction – Barry McGuire — These Week 13 NFL Picks come to you from the Biblical end of time. War, flood, famine – Johnny Manziel on the bench. The Book of Namath; 3.16 says,…
You say you want a revolution Well, you know We all want to change the world – The Beatles — These Week 12 NFL picks by a turkey suggest that all turkeys are Cleveland Browns fans, just as all Browns fans are turkeys. Stick with me here, because this is about to get newsy. So,…
Somewhere, somehow, somebody Must have kicked you around some Tell me why you want to lay there And revel in your abandon – Tom Petty — These week 11 NFL Picks, after consulting with governors of the 31 other teams, have decided not to accept Cleveland Browns fans as refugees. Yes, we have seen the…
We don’t need no education We don’t need no thought control – Pink Floyd — These Week 10 NFL Picks from the campus of Cleveland Browns University demand that everyone step down who runs this sorry excuse for a college. I have been here for decades, and I have not learned anything. This offends me….
Imagine there’s no countries It isn’t hard to do Nothing to kill or die for And no religion too – John Lennon — These Week 9 NFL Picks are bought to you by Peace On Earth, which, just like the Cleveland Browns defense, does not exist. But since I am Peace on Earth, I have…
So, don’t ask me no questions And I won’t tell you no lies – Lynyrd Skynyrd — These week 8 NFL picks think your question about what games I plan to pick in week 8 is remarkably unfair. It is a gotcha question, from the biased media. Look, I want to give you my week…