Somewhere, somehow, somebody Must have kicked you around some Tell me why you want to lay there And revel in your abandon – Tom Petty — These week 11 NFL Picks, after consulting with governors of the 31 other teams, have decided not to accept Cleveland Browns fans as refugees. Yes, we have seen the…
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What if God was one of us Just a slob like one of us – Joan Osborne — These week 3 NFL Picks by Pope Francis, with pity for the least among us, would like you to pray for the Cleveland Browns. I call for worldwide reforms on how the Cleveland Browns are treated. I…
The preacher said, ‘You know you always have the Lord on your side’ And I was so pleased to be informed of this That I ran twenty red lights in his honor – Rolling Stones — These Week 1 NFL Picks by me, Kentucky county clerk Kim Davis, are 100 percent correct. It will not…
Inside the museums, Infinity goes up on trial – Bob Dylan Re-elected by you, my liberal agenda is clear. The Cleveland Browns will win Super Bowl XLVII. It’s my second term, I am all in. My first order of business is to redistribute the Harbaugh family wealth. No single family should have the Super Bowl…
One pill makes you larger And one pill makes you small – Jefferson Airplane These Conference Championship NFL Picks have never used PEDs to pick the games. Obviously. Or is it? I deny my denial. It was pure hard work and God-given talent that allowed me to pick last week’s Patriots-Texans score almost exactly. Look…
If you start me up If you start me up I’ll never stop – The Rolling Stones Global Warming here with your hot Divisional NFL Picks while we await next week’s smoking Brady versus Manning matchup. Hottest year in history? You bet. Did you see those rookie quarterbacks? How about the comebacks by Adrian Peterson…
I’m fakin no moves and fakin no jax Flavor Flav is back on the dome relax – Flavor Flav These Wildcard Weekend NFL Picks are bulletproof, says me. Trust me. I am the NRA’s Wayne LaPierre’s favorite gun. And together we say that the Cleveland Browns won’t lose this NFL wildcard weekend. Got it? Call…
Sweet dreams are made of this Who am I to disagree? – Eurythmics These week 15 NFL picks are making your damn Christmas presents. Bah humbug, bitches! But not you, Browns fans. Joy to the world! Ernie the elf here. More appropriately, my name should be Elvis the elf, but my pathetic parents called me…
This is the end Beautiful friend The end My only friend, the end – The Doors These week 14 picks are the work of Mayans on Medicare. Face it, the Mayans aren’t getting any younger. Plus most Mayans are depressed Oakland Raiders fans on Mexican antidepressants – now legal in Colorado and Washington state. That’s…
I may be going to hell in a bucket, babe But at least I’m enjoying the ride! – The Grateful Dead These week 13 NFL picks say it’s time to get rid of the Reggie Bush tax cuts. I’ve never understood why he’s the only guy in the country that needs help. Yes, these Brady…