Doctor, doctor, give me the news
I’ve got a bad case of loving you
– Robert Palmer
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These Week 6 NFL Picks suffer from a pre-existing condition called, Rooting For The Cleveland Browns.
There is no cure. Pharmaceutical companies have invested millions of dollars looking, but to no avail.
So when the President of the United States, working in conjunction with the leadership of the Cleveland Browns, took away the subsidies that pay for the treatment that doesn’t cure me, I was thrilled.
This is all true. None of it is fake news. Everyone knows that the President is obsessed with the NFL, and that he loves Ohio but hates the Browns. He has hated the Browns since he owned the New Jersey Generals and signed Brian Sipe.
And he has been working hard in recent years to make sure the Browns didn’t draft Carson Wentz, and didn’t draft Deshaun Watson, because he hates the Browns.
After convincing Jimmy Haslam that the best guy to run a football team is a baseball guy, the president gutted my health insurance with the NFL-specific purpose of making me suffer because he hates the Browns.
But he didn’t do his research. He can’t make the suffering worse. Can he? Please tell me that’s not whatzgonnahappen.
EAGLES AT PANTHERS – Eagles 28, Panthers 23
DOLPHINS AT FALCONS – Falcons 30, Dolphins 14
49ers at REDSKINS – Redskins 27, 49ers 20
LIONS AT SAINTS – Lions 29, Saints 27
PATRIOTS AT JETS – Patriots 33, Jets 23
PACKERS AT VIKINGS – Packers 27, Vikings 23
BEARS AT RAVENS – Ravens 26, Bears 13
BROWNS AT TEXANS – Browns 31, Texans 10
RAMS AT JAGUARS – Rams 20, Jaguars 19
BUCCANEERS AT CARDINALS – Buccaneers 25, Cardinals 20
STEELERS AT CHIEFS – Chiefs 23, Steelers 21
CHARGERS AT RAIDERS – Chargers 27, Raiders 24
GIANTS AT BRONCOS – Broncos 28, Giants 17
COLTS AT TITANS – Titans 31, Colts 20
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