<\/a>America, because I will argue with anyone.<\/p>\nAnyway, ever since the IPO, I admit to being foolish with my billions. Every week, I go all in with my bookie, Cakeface McGee, on the picks in this column. The problem with betting billions of dollars on the picks in this column is that this column always picks the Cleveland Browns to win, and the Cleveland Browns almost always lose.<\/p>\n
Can I tell you a secret? I am beginning to not trust the judgment of the guy that makes these picks. Sure, sometimes this crap is correct. But he always picks the Cleveland Browns to win, and they are always mean to him. Loyalty to mean people is stupid.<\/p>\n
That reminds me. If Cakeface McGee walks in carrying a baseball bat, I’m not here.<\/p>\n
So I just want to say with all of my heart that these week 13 NFL picks are thankful for the imaginary loving family gathered around me eating this imaginary delicious turkey, and toasting the imaginary great football team known as the Cleveland Browns. I’d write more, but I need to look for my can opener for these beans.<\/p>\n
Happy Thanksgiving. Obviously, I don’t know whatzgonnahappen<\/p>\n
PACKERS AT LIONS \u2013<\/strong> Matt Flynn plus Scott Tolzien multiplied by cheese barely equals Matthew Stafford on his worst day, which only happens sometimes. Lions\u00a0 27, Packers 20<\/p>\nRAIDERS AT COWBOYS \u2013<\/strong> Tryptophan and blowout go well together. Cowboys 41, Raiders 20<\/p>\nSTEELERS AT RAVENS \u2013<\/strong> The final game of Thanksgiving day is nothing to be thankful for. Not for this Browns fan. Steelers at Ravens? Vomit or diarrhea? Yes, this game looks like a perfect compliment to food poisoning, but it will probably be a good game. Steelers 24, Ravens 21<\/p>\nBRONCOS AT CHIEFS \u2013<\/strong> I am on the Chiefs bandwagon again. This time, it’s going off the tracks. Broncos 31, Chiefs 21<\/p>\nTITANS AT COLTS \u2013<\/strong> Before the game, Andrew Luck asks Trench Richardson to take his bad karma and go home. Colts 33, Titans 17<\/p>\nJAGUARS AT BROWNS \u2013<\/strong> NFL Films is here. The game attracts Ken Burns, and Doris Kearns Goodwin too. Stephen Spielberg has bought the rights for a remake. And Brandon Weeden, fresh from a delicious Thanksgiving meal of deer-in-the-headlights, shines. Browns 30, Jaguars 10<\/p>\nBUCCANEERS AT PANTHERS \u2013<\/strong> Mike Glennon is pretty fun to watch, and I keep waiting for the Panthers bubble to burst. But it hasn’t, so I am on board. Panthers 27, Buccaneers 17<\/p>\nBEARS AT VIKINGS \u2013<\/strong> The Vikings defense makes Josh McCown look like Sid Luckman, and the Bears defense makes Adrian Peterson look like Adrian Peterson. Vikings 31, Bears 30<\/p>\nCARDINALS AT EAGLES \u2013<\/strong> Carson Palmer and Nick Foles are two of the best quarterbacks in the NFL. Begin planning for the apocalypse. Eagles 27, Cardinals 23<\/p>\nDOLPHINS AT JETS \u2013<\/strong> This game is representative of the AFC Least, marketed as the bullies against the dummies. I like the dummies in this one. Jets 13, Dolphins 9<\/p>\nFALCONS AT BILLS IN TORONTO \u2013<\/strong> Mayor Rob Ford tries to snort the 50-yard line. Bills 24, Falcons 21<\/p>\nRAMS AT 49ers \u2013<\/strong> I like the Rams defense, and\u00a0 after one win the 49ers are overconfident. Again. Rams 23, 49ers 20<\/p>\nPATRIOTS AT TEXANS \u2013<\/strong> You know that slogan, \u201cDon’t Mess With Texas\u201d? It’s hilarious. Patriots 41, Texans 17<\/p>\nBENGALS AT CHARGERS \u2013<\/strong> I’ve been trying to believe in the Chargers for almost a decade. Why stop now? Charges 27, Bengals 23<\/p>\nGIANTS AT REDSKINS \u2013<\/strong> Robert Griffin III is as popular as Congress. Giants 31, Redskins 13<\/p>\nSAINTS AT SEAHAWKS \u2013<\/strong> Drew Brees throws pinpoint passes past the bottles of PEDs in the Seahawks secondary. Saints 29, Seahawks 19<\/p>\n—
\nThe column is sponsored by turkeys with guns, standing their ground.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"And if the cloud bursts, thunder in your ear You shout and no one seems to hear And if the band you’re in starts playing different tunes I’ll see you on the dark side of the moon – Pink Floyd — Some say these week 13 NFL picks are delusional. But don’t listen to the…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[104],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1029"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1029"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1029\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1030,"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1029\/revisions\/1030"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1029"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1029"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1029"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}