<\/a><\/span><\/p>\nSo you deny it? Wow!<\/span><\/p>\nWe don’t take this action lightly. There are several dead seasons that you need to answer for, Madame Secretary. And while I am here saying these outrageous things in this completely reasonable voice, let me ask you, when the call came in that the Cleveland Browns needed a quarterback, did you approve of Johnny Manziel?<\/span><\/p>\nMadame Secretary, when you suggested the Cleveland Browns select Johnny Manziel, did you know whatzgonnahappen?<\/span><\/p>\n<\/span><\/p>\n
\n<\/span><\/p>\nSEAHAWKS AT 49ers –<\/strong> Fred Jackson drives the Seahawks bus to San Francisco. Once there, the team is thrilled to be off that bus. Seahawks 26, 49ers 19<\/span><\/p>\nBILL VS. JAGUARS AT LONDON –<\/strong> “Buffalo versus Jacksonville?” asks Queen Elizabeth. “God, I wish we won that war.” Bills 10, Jaguars 7<\/span><\/p>\nBROWNS AT RAMS –<\/strong> Can anyone enter the Dwayne Bowe $9 million lottery? I could do what he does. I am good at doing nothing. Josh McCown continues his MVP season. Browns 12, Rams 11 <\/span><\/p>\nSTEELERS AT CHIEFS –<\/strong> Ben Roethlisberger reads up on Wally Pipp. Landry Jones reads up on Brady Quinn. Steelers 27, Chiefs 22<\/span><\/p>\nTEXANS AT DOLPHINS –<\/strong> Before anyone gets a chance to turn Dan Campbell into Don Shula, let me turn Brian Hoyer into, um, last year’s Brian Hoyer. Texans 32, Dolphins 18<\/span><\/p>\nJETS AT PATRIOTS –<\/strong> In honor of “Back To The Future” week, Bill Belichick nostalgically starts up his first time machine that he ever cheated with. Of course it was against the Jets. Patriots 31, Jets 21 <\/span><\/p>\nVIKINGS AT LIONS –<\/strong> The Lions have turned the corner. Around some corners, there could be trouble. Around this corner? Just the Vikings. Lions 25, Vikings 21<\/span><\/p>\nFALCONS AT TITANS –<\/strong> Marcus Mariota has been spending too much time in the Heisman House. Falcons 42, Titans 20<\/span><\/p>\nBUCCANEERS AT REDSKINS –<\/strong> The this-is- not-gambling ethical teams at Draft Kings and Fan should offer a bet as to who throws more interceptions in this game. I wildly guess that Winston throws four, and Cousins throws three. That guess took a lot of skill. Redskins 17, Buccaneers 13<\/span><\/p>\nSAINTS AT COLTS –<\/strong> Chuck Pagano tries another trick play. This one is called, “Wrap the football in a big red bow and give it to the other team.” He thinks it will confuse the opponents. That is how his coaching career ends. Saints 30, Colts 24<\/span><\/p>\nRAIDERS AT CHARGERS –<\/strong> Philip Rivers continues to prove my theory that he is the second coming of Bernie Kosar. Chargers27, Raiders 17<\/span><\/p>\nCOWBOYS AT GIANTS –<\/strong> Matt Cassell is better than Brandon Weeden. Do you have a brain? You are also better than Brandon Weeden. Giants 31, Cowboys 20<\/span><\/p>\nEAGLES AT PANTHERS –<\/strong> It’s the time of the season for things to start to go awry, and it starts right here. Everything you thought you knew about this NFL season is now challenged\u00a0 Eagles 32, Panthers 17<\/span><\/p>\nRAVENS AT CARDINALS –<\/strong> The Ravens are bad. The Cardinals are good. The sun rises in the East, and it sets on Baltimore’s season. Cardinals 50, Ravens 26<\/span><\/p>\nBYE AT BEARS –<\/strong> Mike Ditka farts. So goes the Bears season.<\/span><\/p>\nBYE AT BENGALS –<\/strong> Marvin Lewis holds his breath for a week.<\/span><\/p>\nBYE AT BRONCOS –<\/strong> Peyton Manning’s arm joins AARP. <\/span><\/p>\nBYE AT PACKERS –<\/strong> Aaron Rodgers bowls a perfect game.<\/span><\/p>\n—<\/p>\n
This column is sponsored by Joe Biden’s acceptance speech.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Can’t you see, whoa, can’t you see What that woman, Lord, she been doin’ to me – The Marshall Tucker Band — Madame Secretary, these week 7 NFL picks would like to know where were you when the Cleveland Browns were getting slaughtered every week? This committee has one goal. We want you to know…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[111],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1428"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1428"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1428\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1432,"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1428\/revisions\/1432"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1428"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1428"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1428"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}