You can\u2019t hide your lyin\u2019 eyes
\nAnd your smile is a thin disguise
\nI thought by now you\u2019d realize
\nThere ain\u2019t no way to hide your lyin\u2019 eyes
\n<\/i>– The Eagles<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

Boo! This Halloween, we\u2019ve gone nuclear. These Week 8 NFL picks are dressed as an October surprise. No, not a Cleveland Browns win. This isn\u2019t fiction.<\/p>\n

I am sending you this top secret confidential email that I expect neither the FBI nor the Russians to read because I am concerned that Wikileaks may have a transcript of my very lucrative speech to the Cleveland Browns when I recommended taking a quarterback with the number 22 pick in the first round of every NFL draft.<\/p>\n

At the time of my speech, the Clinton Foundation was doing charitable work for the saddest fan base on Earth. And we do good work. Look what we\u2019ve done for Cubs and Indians fans. But, not all of it is successful although it all is pretty damn lucrative.<\/p>\n

Anyway, I\u2019d obviously prefer that some transcripts of my speeches, like when I spoke about why Gus Bradley is a great coach, don\u2019t get out there. I\u2019m all about keeping secrets. I have a public face, a private face, and a game face. That\u2019s how I roll.<\/p>\n

So don\u2019t worry, this email will never make the news. I\u2019m very careful. Just ask my IT guy, Vladimir. He\u2019s the bare-chested guy on the horse.<\/p>\n

This Halloween, as the orange-helmeted among you do the easy thing and dress as my orange-haired opponent, I\u2019d like to remind you that election day really is trick or treat.<\/p>\n

Only there\u2019s no treat. It\u2019s a giant trick. You might even say it\u2019s like turning a trick.<\/p>\n

The other costume I considered before settling on an October surprise was dressing as America on the day after the 2016 presidential election. But the muskets were sold out.<\/p>\n

Of course, this is all between you and me, and not the Russians or the FBI.<\/p>\n

So please, whatever you do, keep this email as secret as the Browns formula for winning. No one has ever seen that.<\/p>\n

And while no one apparently ever will see the Browns plan for winning, it has come to my attention that some of my emails in the past may have been hacked and then sent, wrapped in a red Russian bow, to Donald Trump. That, I believe, is what has happened with the Browns winning formula. It has been stolen by the Russians.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s why I fear this election may be rigged, unless it isn\u2019t, which I also fear. One of those is whatzgonnahappen.<\/p>\n

JAGUARS AT TITANS – <\/b>Titans 36, Jaguars 22<\/p>\n

BENGALS VS. REDSKINS AT LONDON – <\/b>Bengals 27, Redskins 24<\/p>\n

PACKERS AT FALCONS – <\/b>Falcons 35, Packers 19<\/p>\n

LIONS AT TEXANS – <\/b>Lions 20, Texans 17<\/p>\n

SEAHAWKS AT SAINTS – <\/b>Saints 33, Seahawks 23<\/p>\n

PATRIOTS AT BILLS – <\/b>Patriots 40, Bills 10<\/p>\n

JETS AT BROWNS – <\/b>Browns 30, Jets 29<\/p>\n

RAIDERS AT BUCCANEERS –<\/b> Raiders 22, Buccaneers 11<\/p>\n

CHIEFS AT COLTS –<\/b> Colts 25, Chiefs 17<\/p>\n

CHARGERS AT BRONCOS – <\/b>Chargers 32, Broncos 21<\/p>\n

CARDINALS AT PANTHERS – <\/b>Panthers 24, Cardinals 20<\/p>\n

EAGLES AT COWBOYS – <\/b>Cowboys 31, Eagles 10<\/p>\n

VIKINGS AT BEARS –<\/b> Vikings 40, Bears 13<\/p>\n

\u2014<\/p>\n

This column is sponsored by the United States Of America, 1776-2016.<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

You can\u2019t hide your lyin\u2019 eyes And your smile is a thin disguise I thought by now you\u2019d realize There ain\u2019t no way to hide your lyin\u2019 eyes – The Eagles — Boo! This Halloween, we\u2019ve gone nuclear. These Week 8 NFL picks are dressed as an October surprise. No, not a Cleveland Browns win….<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[113],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1580"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1580"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1580\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1583,"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1580\/revisions\/1583"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1580"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1580"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1580"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}