Take this job and shove it
\nI ain\u2019t working here no more
\n<\/i>– Johnny Paycheck<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

These week 2 NFL picks have been curated by White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, who then declared them to be a fireable offense.<\/p>\n

I think she said this because last Friday I predicted that the Patriots would lose the game that they lost they day before. The White House, all big Patriots fans, declared my prediction of the actual score from a game that already happened to be fake news, offensive, and a fireable offense.<\/p>\n

I thought I was stating facts, but the White House said there are \u201cmany sides\u201d to the score of 42-27. It is hard to argue with that.<\/p>\n

And so I have just fired myself, at the request of the White House. Instead, I will be filing these columns from Breitbart News, where I have an office next to my new best friend, Steve Bannon, who told me long ago that the President reads Whatzgonnahappen more often than he reads national security reports.<\/p>\n

I think that Bannon, like me, is a Cleveland Browns fan and, in fact, an orange nationalist. Well, he may have meant something different when he said, \u201corange.\u201d Okay, we are not exactly alike.<\/p>\n

Like Bannon, I still talk to the President two or three times a week. So when I informed him that I had fired myself, he seemed both pleased and angry with me and added, \u201cI\u2019d like you to be the last person I talk to before I make a decision.\u201d Since he is famous for holding the opinion of the last person he talked to, I agreed.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo on North Korea,\u201d he said, \u201cYou and me. We\u2019ll figure out whatzgonnahappen.\u201d<\/p>\n

TEXANS AT BENGALS – Texans 13, Bengals 9<\/p>\n

PATRIOTS AT SAINTS – Patriots 40, Saints 30<\/p>\n

BROWNS AT RAVENS – Browns 24, Ravens 23<\/p>\n

BEARS AT BUCCANEERS – Bears 25, Buccaneers 19<\/p>\n

EAGLES AT CHIEFS – Chiefs 27, Eagles 20<\/p>\n

VIKINGS AT STEELERS – Vikings 32, Steelers 17<\/p>\n

BILLS AT PANTHERS – Panthers 23, Bills 16<\/p>\n

CARDINALS AT COLTS – Cardinals 31, Colts 7<\/p>\n

TITANS AT JAGUARS – Jaguars 28, Titans 27<\/p>\n

DOLPHINS AT CHARGERS – Dolphins 20, Chargers 19<\/p>\n

JETS AT RAIDERS – Raiders Infinity, Jets Minus Infinity<\/p>\n

49ers AT SEAHAWKS – Seahawks 33, 49ers 13<\/p>\n

REDSKINS AT RAMS – Redskins 17, Rams 14<\/p>\n

COWBOYS AT BRONCOS – Broncos 22, Cowboys 20<\/p>\n

PACKERS AT FALCONS – Falcons 40, Packers 39<\/p>\n

LIONS AT GIANTS – Lions 31, Giants 21<\/p>\n

This column is sponsored by “22 In A Row, The Movie.”<\/i><\/b><\/h3>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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