You can fence in your yard
\nYou can pull all your cards
\nBut I won’t back down, oh, no
\nI won’t back down, oh no<\/p>\n

<\/em> –\tEminem<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

These week 14 NFL Picks are a cowardly compromise. Everyone knows that compromise is for wussies.<\/p>\n

The President wanted only those gambling less than $250,000 on the New England Patriots to have access to these week 14 NFL picks, but the Republicans demanded that every rich crazy gambler who likes the Carolina Panthers also get access to these week 14 NFL picks \u2013 known colloquially as the Bush-era week 14 NFL picks.<\/p>\n

<\/a> Of course, it’s a complicated issue. The Republicans reluctantly agreed to extend failed gambler benefits to middle class Cleveland Browns fans for 13 more months. If the Browns don’t win the Super Bowl in that time, no one knows what’s going to happen to those poor people. But failed gambling banks were given a tarp, which provided a lot of cover for bets on the Buffalo Bills and Cincinnati Bengals.<\/p>\n

Washington is so complicated these days. Albert Haynesworth is a $100 million nonfunctioning earmark, and Mike Shanahan has been reduced to a bureaucratic hack.<\/p>\n

Do I mix metaphors? Sure. Why do I do it? It’s a compromise.<\/p>\n

Without compromise, who knows whatzgonnahappen. <\/p>\n

COLTS AT TITANS \u2013<\/strong> I’m pretty good picking the Thursday games. And apparently Peyton Manning has not yet morphed into Brett Favre.\u00a0 Colts 30, Titans 28<\/p>\n

FALCONS AT PANTHERS \u2013<\/strong> Panthers fans are counting on Jimmy Clausen to bring them Andrew Luck. It’s a good plan. Falcons 25, Panthers 17<\/p>\n

RAIDERS AT JAGUARS \u2013<\/strong> The Raiders new team mascot is Sybil. Jaguars 24, Raiders 16<\/p>\n

BUCCANEERS AT REDSKINS \u2013<\/strong> Thank God Albert Haynesworth’s unemployment benefits have been extended. Buccaneers 21, Redskins 18<\/p>\n

PACKERS AT LIONS \u2013<\/strong> Look, Aaron Rodgers is playing a video game! Packers 37, Lions 13<\/p>\n

BENGALS AT STEELERS \u2013<\/strong> It’s a heartwarming story when Ben Roethlisberger takes a beating like Joe Frazier used to give out. Steelers 27, Bengals 14<\/p>\n

GIANTS AT VIKINGS \u2013<\/strong> Brett Favre takes the first snap from a wheelchair with oxygen hooked up and a catheter installed (photo available on Deadspin). The streak lives. Giants 23, Vikings 19<\/p>\n

BROWNS AT BILLS \u2013<\/strong> Peyton Hillis scores four touchdowns and Josh McDaniels is put in the Cleveland Browns Ring of Honor. Browns 31 Bills 20<\/p>\n

SEAHAWKS AT 49ers \u2013<\/strong> Anyone named Smith is qualified to quarterback the 49ers. Seahawks 21, 49ers 20<\/p>\n

RAMS AT SAINTS \u2013<\/strong> Sam Bradford will have some fun against that Saints defense, but Drew Brees has been acquiring rehabilitated weapons faster than North Korea. Saints 35, Rams 25<\/p>\n

DOLPHINS AT JETS \u2013<\/strong> The Jets took a bye last week so they should be ready for the Dolphins. Jets 28. Dolphins 10<\/p>\n

CHIEFS AT CHARGERS \u2013<\/strong> Brodie Croyle has nightmares that he will play like Brodie Croyle. Chargers 48, Chiefs 10<\/p>\n

PATRIOTS AT BEARS \u2013<\/strong> Jay Cutler will tell his grandchildren about the one day he outplayed Tom Brady. Bears 24, Patriots 17<\/p>\n

BRONCOS AT CARDINALS \u2013<\/strong> Brady Quinn and Derek Anderson share a laugh. Broncos 23, Cardinals 12<\/p>\n

EAGLES AT COWBOYS \u2013<\/strong> As Don Meredith wisely told Cowboys fans, \u201cTurn out the lights, the party’s over.\u201d Eagles 40, Cowboys 20<\/p>\n

RAVENS AT TEXANS \u2013<\/strong> Joe Flacco is not as good as everyone but me says he is. The blood Ray Lewis is drinking goes down the wrong pipe. Texans 26, Ravens 19<\/p>\n

\u2013<\/p>\n

This column is sponsored by The Federal Confusion Act. <\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

These week 14 NFL Picks are a cowardly compromise. Everyone knows that compromise is for wussies.<\/p>\n

The President wanted only those gambling less than $250,000 on the New England Patriots to have access<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[3],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/488"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=488"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/488\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":490,"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/488\/revisions\/490"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=488"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=488"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=488"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}