<\/a>It has all gone just as the Mayans predicted.<\/p>\nNewly uncovered evidence suggests that the Mayans have, in fact, predicted every NFL game in history correctly. These are the last of the Mayan NFL predictions on account of that end-of-the-world thing, Predicting next season would be useless, wrote the Mayans.<\/p>\n
The Mayans were Cleveland Browns fans, of course, which means they hated and still hate the Pittsburgh Steelers. But they couldn’t help the future they saw – including scary things like how Iowa will make us all think it’s a Rick Santorum world, and we just live in it.<\/p>\n
While Tebow versus Orton took up a significant amount of stone-carved text, in the end the Mayans were split on Tebow. Otherwise, the Mayans clearly predicted this is whatzgonnahappen.<\/p>\n
LIONS AT PACKERS \u2013<\/strong> The Lions need the game and the Packers most likely give Aaron Rodgers a lot of rest, but this game will still be fun and somehow mean something. Packers 29, Lions 27<\/p>\nTITANS AT TEXANS \u2013<\/strong> The Oilers had more character than both of these teams combined. I hated the Oilers. Texans 23, Titans 17<\/p>\nCOLTS AT JAGUARS \u2013<\/strong> Colt droppings versus Jaguar droppings. The game smells. Jaguars 10, Colts 9<\/p>\nJETS AT DOLPHINS \u2013<\/strong> Matt Moore is better than Mark Sanchez at this moment in time. The Dolphins karma is on the upswing. The Jets? Rex Ryan talks, karma listens. Dolphins 20, Jets 14<\/p>\nBEARS AT VIKINGS \u2013<\/strong> I don’t care versus me neither. Some rivalry. Bears 21, Vikings 20<\/p>\nBILLS AT PATRIOTS \u2013<\/strong> The Bills wonder what happened to the good Bills team from earlier in the season. The Patriots are full speed ahead in the first half. Patriots 31, Bills 20<\/p>\nPANTHERS AT SAINTS \u2013<\/strong> Happy new year! Look, fireworks on the scoreboard! Saints 39, Panthers 30<\/p>\nREDSKINS AT EAGLES \u2013<\/strong> I am going to miss the dream team. This is their best game. Eagles 33, Redskins 23<\/p>\n49ers AT RAMS \u2013<\/strong> The Rams cannot do much against the 49ers defense and each team has the persona of their coach. In the Rams case, it is of Steve Spagnulo walking a plank. 49Ers 29, Rams 13<\/p>\nBUCCANEERS AT FALCONS \u2013<\/strong> Raheem Morris is in line with Steve Spagnulo. The Falcons need a win going into the playoffs. Falcons 30, Buccaneers 15<\/p>\nRAVENS AT BENGALS \u2013<\/strong> The soulless Ravens against the dumb Bengals and it actually means something to both teams. Is this an alternate universe? The New Year’s ball in Manhattan rolls to and then over Ray Lewis. Freak accident. Bengals 29, Ravens 27<\/p>\nSTEELERS AT BROWNS \u2013<\/strong> First play from scrimmage: the Browns throw a successful bomb. Yes, this is fantasy and the evil Steelers are too intimidated by the Browns to even agree to go to the playoffs. Yes, it’s hard to believe the Browns would throw a bomb. Browns 9, Steelers 6<\/p>\nSEAHAWKS AT CARDINALS \u2013<\/strong> John Skelton has a great NFL name, so I have to root for him in a game in which two mediocre teams are suddenly play okay or even alright. Cardinals 20, Seahawks 16<\/p>\nCHIEFS AT BRONCOS \u2013<\/strong> The Chiefs will be more inspired by Romeo Crennell and Kyle Orton’s accurate passes than the Broncos will be by Tim Tebow running around hoping for something good to happen. Chiefs 20, Broncos 17<\/p>\nCHARGERS AT RAIDERS \u2013<\/strong> With the Broncos losing, Carson Palmer throws a game-winning touchdown pass to get the Raiders in the playoffs and get Al Davis’ ghost to smile. There’s got to be a ghost, right? Raiders 30, Chargers 26<\/p>\nCOWBOYS AT GIANTS \u2013<\/strong> The playoff begin. Loser goes home. Victor Cruz goes to the end zone. Giants 29, Cowboys 23<\/p>\n\u2013<\/p>\n
This column is sponsored by Santorum World, an amusement park.<\/em><\/p>\n—<\/em><\/p>\nSee www.briantarcy.com<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
It’s the end of the world as we know it And I feel fine – R.E.M. The Mayans’ week 17 NFL picks, at the cusp of the year 2012, signal the end of the world. Or maybe the end of the NFL season. As if there is a difference. As a Browns fan, the end…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[25],"tags":[34,8,36],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/686"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=686"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/686\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":690,"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/686\/revisions\/690"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=686"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=686"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/whatzgonnahappen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=686"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}