You call me a fool
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I already bought the dream
– Steely Dan

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PANTHERS AT STEELERS – The Salvation Army can’t help the Panthers. Steelers 31, Panthers 13

COWBOYS AT CARDINALS – John Skelton plays well enough to make Jerry Jones want him because his last name reminds him of when he looks in the mirror. Cowboys 26, Cardinals 19

TITANS AT CHIEFS – Someone told me that Randy Moss is on the Titans. That’s hard to believe. Chiefs 23, Titans 14

RAVENS AT BROWNS – “On Ray Lewis” is where Santa tells the reindeer to go to the bathroom. The Browns treat the Ravens the same way. Colt McCoy makes a late MVP run. Browns 31, Ravens 20

49ers AT RAMS – The AFC West has been renamed The High School Division. Rams 20, 49ers 19

REDSKINS AT JAGUARS – Daniel Snyder should not have fired Marty Schottenheimer. What, about eight fires ago? Jaguars 30, Redskins 10

PATRIOTS AT BILLS – The Bills are one of the best bad teams in recent memory. The Patriots young defense is vulnerable. But Tom Brady is Tom Brady. Patriots 42, Bills 17

JETS AT BEARS – Like the 12 days of Christmas, Jay Cutler and Mark Sanchez show 12 ways to screw up in a football game…“and an interception at the goal line.”  Bears 12, Jets 9

LIONS AT DOLPHINS – If a Lion fought a Dolphin on land, the Lion would win. Lions 24, Dolphins 20

TEXANS AT BRONCOS – Tim Tebow is about to make Bobby Douglass famous again. Broncos 23, Texans 21

COLTS AT RAIDERS – Darren McFadden almost ruins Peyton Manning’s great day. Colts 25, Raiders 22

CHARGERS AT BENGALS – There are different kinds and stages of dysfunction. Chargers 32, Bengals 10

GIANTS AT PACKERS – The Giants go for it on every fourth down as Tom Coughlin refuses to punt. Packers 23, Giants 20

SEAHAWKS AT BUCCANEERS – Pete Carroll’s Seahawks need boosters. Buccaneers 26, Seahawks 20

VIKINGS AT EAGLES – Brett Favre introduces his dog, Checkers, and declares, “You won’t have Brett Favre to kick around anymore.” Eagles 33, Vikings 12

SAINTS AT FALCONS – The Tipping Point for the Falcons is not yet here in the NFC. Saints 26, Falcons 23

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