I was a trembling, because I’d got to decide, forever, betwixt two things and I knowed it. I studied a minute, sort of holding my breath, and then says to myself: “All right then, I’ll GO to hell.”
– Mark Twain

January 23, 2009 – Diplomacy is in again but mine is a personal moral dilemma. I want to love my neighbor, but I hate the Pittsburgh Steelers.

I think anyone who owns a Terrible Towel is a terrible person. Despicable even.

The Pittsburgh Steelers in recent years made a tradition of nuclear bombing my Cleveland Browns at Christmas. Every year, it’s the same thing under my tree: used coal. And now I am supposed to look the other way?

I don’t think I can do that. Yes, the Cold War ended and the Russians became cool again but this is the Pittsburgh Steelers – old-school evildoers who are now poised to win their sixth Super Bowl.

And so while I go through ten more days of therapy, it makes me wonder what it is like to defuse real situations of hatred.

Good luck, Mr. President.


This column is sponsored by peace, love & understanding.

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