You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain
Too much love drives a man insane
You broke my will, but what a thrill
Goodness, gracious, great balls of fire
– Jerry Lee Lewis
These Week 10 NFL picks have just received a copy of an astonishing apology issued by the Cleveland Browns to their fans for years of inappropriate behavior.
“The allegations are true. We have totally screwed the fans for years against their will,” said the beginning of a press release by the Cleveland Browns.
The most the team has ever said in the past was the rote, “We apologize to anyone we may have offended with our horrible football.”
But this was an explicit admission. The team screwed the fans.
Okay, this is fake news. The Browns have not admitted anything.
They have instead cited the Bible and the story of how Joseph drafted Bernie Kosar on his way to Bethlehem, or something like that. The Cleveland Browns ever-evolving explanations for why they screwed the fans against their will are a bit difficult to fathom.
And yet, denial is not just a river in Egypt. It is the official policy of the Cleveland Browns, who deny screwing anyone or anything up.
All is going according to plan with the Browns just as in Washington DC and Hollywood, where no one has ever screwed anyone against their will.
Considering that things never change, it’s now clear whatzgonnahappen.
SEAHAWKS AT CARDINALS – Seahawks 22, Cardinals 16
SAINTS AT BILLS – Bills 30, Saints 27
BENGALS AT TITANS – Titans 28, Bengals 17
VIKINGS AT REDSKINS – Redskins 21, Vikings 20
CHARGERS AT JAGUARS – Jaguars 25, Chargers 19
JETS AT BUCCANEERS – Jets 23, Buccaneers 21
PACKERS AT BEARS – Bears 17, Packers 13
BROWNS AT LIONS – Browns 42, Lions 41
STEELERS AT COLTS – Steelers 35, Colts 10
TEXANS AT RAMS – Rams 40, Texans 13
COWBOYS AT FALCONS – Falcons 27, Cowboys 24
GIANTS AT 49ers – 49ers 20, Giants 14
PATRIOTS AT BRONCOS – Broncos 24, Patriots 17
DOLPHINS AT PANTHERS – Panthers 29, Dolphins 9