But if you want money for people with minds that hate
All I can tell you is brother you have to wait
Don’t you know it’s gonna be
All right, all right, all right
– The Beatles

These Week 11 NFL picks would like to say these are not my NFL picks. Somebody else voted for them.

The things said in these NFL Picks are deeply offensive to me. The Cleveland Browns are going to win? Really? Insult my intelligence some more, why don’t you?

Not My NFL Picks

The worst part of the election is that these are now going to be the official NFL Picks because of the Electoral College. I’ll tell you what. I’d like to see the Electoral College play Ohio State, and see what happens. That’s how the election should have been decided.

So yeah, I am protesting in the exact same way that those Tea Party people protested eight years ago when these NFL Picks said that the Cleveland Browns were going to win.

Wait, what?

Could it be that we have more in common than either of us think?

Nah, that couldn’t be. That would disrupt my entire belief system as well as the income streams of the cable news networks that feed me and those on the other side our belief systems. The Browns can only stink because the other side is at fault. That’s the rules.

But it does seem a coincidence that the Browns stunk 16 years ago and changed plans and I protested, and then they stunk eight years ago and changed plans and you protested, and they stink now and they changed plans again and I am protesting.

So okay, I’ll stop protesting. I am willing to give the crazy man a chance to make the Cleveland Browns great again.

Wait a minute, he just appointed who?

I’m going back into the streets because, frankly, I am terrified of whatzgonnahappen.

SAINTS AT PANTHERS – Saints 32, Panthers 20

TITANS AT COLTS – Titans 27, Colts 26

JAGUARS AT LIONS – Lions 34, Jaguars 13

BUCCANEERS AT CHIEFS – Chiefs 20, Buccaneers 17

BEARS AT GIANTS – Giants 27, Bears 16

CARDINALS AT VIKINGS – Vikings 20, Cardinals 19

BILLS AT BENGALS – Bills 25, Bengals 23

RAVENS AT COWBOYS – Ravens 24, Cowboys 14

STEELERS AT BROWNS – Browns 1999, Steelers 0

DOLPHINS AT RAMS – Rams 33, Dolphins 22

PATRIOTS AT 49ers – Patriots 52, 49ers 32

EAGLES AT SEAHAWKS – Seahawks 30, Eagles 15

PACKERS AT REDSKINS – Redskins 28, Packers 26


This column is sponsored by clean coal, and safe war.

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