You didn’t have to love me like you did
But you did, but you did
And I thank you
– ZZ Top
Uncle Bob, please pass these week 12 NFL Picks the gravy. And some hope. Good God, please pass that too, Uncle Bob.
No, Uncle Bob, I don’t want to hear about how “those people” are ruining America, unless you are talking about Jimmy Haslam, Sashi Brown and Hue Jackson. Then, Uncle Bob, you are right. And thank you for the gravy.
Let me ask you something, Uncle Bob. Why am I always so sad? No, I don’t think Aunt Martha ruined the turkey, Uncle Bob. I mean always. Every week, I try not to be sad, and every week on Sunday, I end up so darn sad. Why is that, Uncle Bob?
Do you think I have fallen in love with the wrong football team, Uncle Bob? What if the Cleveland Browns and I weren’t meant to be together?
I hate to bring up this emotional stuff at a family dinner while you are carving the turkey, Uncle Bob, but I honestly think my football team doesn’t love me, and it hasn’t loved me for 20 years. (Sobs) Why am I so sad, Uncle Bob?
No, Uncle Bob, I am not sad because Aunt Martha nags you about all that inappropriate stuff you do and say. I am sad because Deshone Kizer likes to throw to the ball to the wrong team in the wrong uniform. That’s inappropriate.
You see, Uncle Bob, I am not thankful for anything anymore. The coach of my football team thinks the general manager of my football team is an incompetent nerd. The general manager of my football team was the one who hired the incompetent coach who thinks the general manager is an incompetent nerd. The owner is most likely a criminal, while history tells us that any random homeless guy may be running the team next year.
This is the team that I worship, Uncle Bob. I always give it my full faith. Do you see how I am so sad?
And, Uncle Bob, your President hates my country. That’s also why I am so sad. I know, I know, I spent all that time talking about my religion, and now I am talking about politics. Everything is just so sad.
But go ahead, Uncle Bob, carve your damn turkey and give your damn thanks.
I say thanks for nothing. In fact, I refuse to eat until the Cleveland Browns win another game. Um, on second thought, Uncle Bob, I’ll have a drumstick.
If I wait to eat until the Browns next win, starvation is whatzgonnahappen
VIKINGS AT LIONS – Lions 23, Vikings 20
CHARGERS AT COWBOYS – Cowboys 27, Chargers 26
GIANTS AT REDSKINS – Redskins 31, Giants 3
BROWNS AT BENGALS – Browns 50, Bengals 25
PANTHERS AT JETS – Panthers 30, Jets 20
DOLPHINS AT PATRIOTS – Patriots 44, Dolphins 20
BILLS AT CHIEFS – Chiefs 32, Bills 21
BUCCANEERS AT FALCONS – Falcons 33, Buccaneers 13
TITANS AT COLTS – Titans 24, Colts 17
BEARS AT EAGLES – Eagles 29, Bears 12
SEAHAWKS AT 49ers – 49ers 23, Seahawks 20
BRONCOS AT RAIDERS – Raiders 31, Broncos 7
JAGUARS AT CARDINALS – Jaguars 20, Cardinals 14
SAINTS AT RAMS – Rams 33, Saints 31
PACKERS AT STEELERS – Steelers 27, Packers 10
TEXANS AT RAVENS – Ravens 21, Texans 13