Don’t you want me?
You know I don’t believe you
When you say you don’t need me
– The Human League
In this locker room, when I brag about my week 6 NFL Picks, I am just trying to impress my new campaign manager, Bill Cosby.
Bill Cosby and I were talking in the locker room how we are both impressed that the Cleveland Browns brought in Art Briles, who is experienced at covering up sexual assault allegations, to help coordinate the Cleveland Browns offense. This is huge.
Bill Cosby and I both know how to coordinate an offense, believe me.
Don’t believe the media who lie, lie, lie – using my exact words. The media will attack you, slander you, and seek to destroy you with facts in the same way that they slander the 0-5 Cleveland Browns for being a losing team.
These people are vicious liars and they work for Hillary Clinton, or the Pittsburgh Steelers, or the devil – probably all three. I would like to put anyone who thinks that the Cleveland Browns are a bad football team in jail. The way I read the Constitution, it says I am allowed to do just that.
Bill Cosby told me that my assaulting your intelligence by predicting the Browns would beat the New England Patriots last week would work just fine if I then denied that I made such a prediction.
Picking the Browns to beat the Patriots last week… that was just locker room talk.
This week when Tom Brady was asked about me, he showed class by walking out of his press conference. I don’t have that in me. Not class or restraint.
If you ask me about anything, I will attack you and call you names. That’s my thing. It’s what I do.
For instance, I will sue you if you say that I, who always pick the Cleveland Browns to win, picked the Cleveland Browns to win. I deny it, and anyone spreading such slander should expect to hear from my lawyers. Believe me, that’s whatzgonnahappen.
BRONCOS AT CHARGERS – Chargers 21, Broncos 13
BENGALS AT PATRIOTS – Patriots 40, Bengals 20
RAVENS AT GIANTS – Ravens 25, Giants 19
PANTHERS AT SAINTS – Saints 31, Panthers 29
STEELERS AT DOLPHINS – Steelers 52, Dolphins 13
JAGUARS AT BEARS – Bears 26, Jaguars 20
49ers AT BILLS – 49ers 20, Bills 17
RAMS AT LIONS – Lions 42, Rams 16
BROWNS AT TITANS – Browns 31, Titans 30
EAGLES AT REDSKINS – Redskins 23, Eagles 20
CHIEFS AT RAIDERS – Raiders 27, Chiefs 23
FALCONS AT SEAHAWKS – Seahawks 22, Falcons 18
COWBOYS AT PACKERS – Packers 33, Cowboys 23
COLTS AT TEXANS – Colts 26, Texans 24
JETS AT CARDINALS – Cardinals 30, Jets 20
This column is sponsored by Vladimir Putin’s “I Voted” sticker.