And you tell me
Over and over and over again my friend
That you don’t believe
We’re on the eve of destruction
– Barry McGuire

These Week 9 NFL Picks would like to congratulate the one-term president that America is about to elect and then most likely impeach. You may as well be the coach of the Cleveland Browns.

The next president has as much chance of legally getting through four years in office as a Cleveland Browns coach has of keeping the job for four years.

apocalypse BrownsOne is certain to be impeached in the first 100 days in office. The other is likely to tear up the Constitution and throw out the whole four-years-in-office thing altogether.

For Browns fans, this election is akin to a choice between current owner Jimmy Haslam, who is a borderline criminal, and former owner Art Modell, who made a deal with the Russia of the NFL, Baltimore, and then encouraged Baltimore to annex the Browns. Which it did. (See: Baltimore Ravens).

This one is easy. I have to go with the borderline criminal over the traitor.

But having just voted for the lesser of two evils, I am worried that the greater of two evils is going to win, the same as has happened in every Cleveland Browns game this year. The Cleveland Browns are 0-8.

Meanwhile, the Cleveland Indians just lost an epic World Series to a team that hasn’t won since Teddy Roosevelt was president. And the Cleveland Cavaliers are World champions. David Bowie is dead. These are signs of the Apocalypse.

So say hello to President Donald J. Trump. Unless Hillary Clinton wins. In either case, I fear America is not going to enjoy whatzgonnahappen.


FALCONS AT AT BUCCANEERS – Falcons 48, Buccaneers 23

JAGUARS AT CHIEFS – Chiefs 28, Jaguars 16

LIONS AT VIKINGS – Lions 25, Vikings 20

EAGLES AT GIANTS – Giants 23, Eagles 20

COWBOYS AT BROWNS – Browns 30, Cowboys 20

JETS AT DOLPHINS – Dolphins 5, Jets 4

STEELERS AT RAVENS – Steelers 22, Ravens 21

SAINTS AT 49ers – Saints 50, 49ers 30

PANTHERS AT RAMS – Panthers 24, Rams 21

COLTS AT PACKERS – Packers 37, Colts 34

TITANS AT CHARGERS – Chargers 28, Titans 21

BRONCOS AT RAIDERS – Raiders 24, Broncos 20

BILLS AT SEAHAWKS – Seahawks 26, Bills 16

This column is sponsored the gravestone, “America, 1776-2016. That was fun.”

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