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This Super Bowl 52 Pick comes from the scene of another senseless murder, a Super Bowl party where someone has been killed for saying the words, “Dilly, Dilly” one time too many. It is happening across America.

Things are worse at the violently contested border of fake news and real mirages, the exact place where Tom Brady’s hand was once amputated and Nick Foles is a Super Bowl quarterback.

There are refugees in the border area – stunned and without hope, almost all of them wearing Johnny Manziel Cleveland Browns jerseys.

Oh the humanity! So many Manziels staring with dead eyes.

“We could have drafted Carson Wentz,” said one of the refugees, smelling like cheap beer and despair. “Wentz was so good that he got injured so Nick Foles could go to the Super Bowl.”

“We could have drafted Tom Brady!” said another one of the refugees. “But we had to have Spergon Wynn.” That refugee, now an adult, started cheering for the Cleveland Browns as a young child. He is one of the dreamers you read about in the news.

“We could have drafted Nick Foles,” said a mentally challenged man wearing a Brandon Weeden jersey.

The United Nations, not to mention the NFL, has abandoned these people.

The Super Bowl is for the elites. Tom Brady has been in the Super Bowl eight of his 16 years in the NFL. This is his second time playing in a Super Bowl against the Philadelphia Eagles. The Super Bowl is, essentially, Davos.  

There is barely a word here about the refugees. Not even the refugees from recently vanquished cities, such as Jacksonville and, well, actually… The poor people in Minnesota were one game away from hosting a home game Super Bowl, and now they are refugees in their own city. It’s truly sad. Which is very different than “Sad!”

But Cleveland has the Browns and thus, a factory of sadness, which is another level of sadness altogether. This sadness deserves an exclamation point, except what would really be the point, at this point.

And so the Super Bowl is here again, and the refugees from every city are faced with the fact that their team could have had Saint Tom Brady. Or Nick Foles. You could have had Nick Foles. Yes, Nick Foles. Is your quarterback playing in the Super Bowl? Nick Foles is.

But next year, my team will be in the Super Bowl. Can someone give me a “Dilly Dilly?” That’s Whatzgonnahappen.

BYE AT BROWNS: The perfect season parade was practice for the upcoming Super Bowl parade. The team is never prepared, but the fans are.

PREGAME: Donald Trump has declined to do the traditional pre-game Presidential interview. So NBC shows a montage of him insulting the NFL, and NFL players.

COIN FLIP: A Bitcoin is tossed. Bill Belichick wrote the blockchain code. Patriots win and defer.

FIRST QUARTER:  Rob Gronkowski catches three passes, including a touchdown pass. But when he is hit in the head, he is suddenly quoting Fyodor Dostoyevsky and ruminating on Einstein’s Theory of Special Relativity. He is banned from returning to the game for trying to talk to the referee about molecular biology and genome-resolved metagenomics. Patriots 7, Eagles 3

SECOND QUARTER: Nick Foles was able to do nothing in the first quarter and LeGarrette Blount got stuffed every time he touched the ball. But the second quarter is a different story. Foles catches fire after Blount storms for two big runs. “The Patriots are confused,” claims Chris Collinsworth, grinning like a 1960s nun after hitting an unruly student with a ruler. Tom Brady plays along and gets sacked twice. Eagles 20, Patriots 3

HALFTIME: Justin Timberlake finishes his halftime show with a new song called, “Wardrobe Malfunction, MeToo.”

THIRD QUARTER: The Patriots take the kickoff and Brady drives them right down the field until they stall. Meanwhile, Nick Foles continues his Johnny Unitas impersonation. In the stands, Eagles fans who could afford Super Bowl tickets and Patriots fans who could afford Super Bowl tickets are having a good old-fashioned English soccer brawl. Eagles 33, Patriots 6

FOURTH QUARTER: With the Patriots down by 27 points in the fourth quarter, Patriots fans are already opening champagne and lighting off fireworks. So are misguided Eagles fans. Someone in England donates a nickel to solve homelessness for every time someone in the six-state region says, “Tom Brady’s got this,” and the next thing you know bums are buying mansions. Patriots 34, Eagles 33

FINAL SCORE: Patriots 34, Eagles 33

POSTGAME: Brady is MVP. President Trump shows up to congratulate him and tell America that Tom Brady is his best friend. He finishes his speech with, “Dilly Dilly!”

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This column is sponsored by Senator Sam Ervin.

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This Super Bowl 49 prediction is by certified NFL prophet, Deflated McGee. I have decided to start the world’s next great religion, Belichickistry.

I have no explanation for what happened. But if you’d like to get in on the ground floor of a new religion, listen up. I am interviewing for disciples every day next week in Arizona. If you’d like to be a disciple and want a have great chance at a book contract with thousands of years of royalties, you also should have no explanation for what happened.

For now, I bring you word of a gambler’s paradise, a place so devoid of scruples that the lack of scruples is praised in taverns throughout this land as being extremely scrupulous. The land I speak of is, of course, New England.

I am Deflated McGee, a prophet with deflated balls. Even my crystal balls are deflated. But it matters not. For I am offering spiritual guidance to all of my gambling followers. I am a prophet for profit.

I am not The One, merely a conduit – telling all I have learned in my journey to conference with a spirit beyond – yes, the spirit of a Bill Belichick press conference.

So when you take your required pilgrimage of Belichickistry to the refrigerator for the first of your sacred ceremonial Pabst Blue Ribbons, please pause a moment to pay homage to my certification as a high-level prophet. I was certified in Las Vegas by prophet-maker Johnny Manziel and his quarterback coach, Jack Daniels.

It was in a Vegas bathroom with Manziel and a rolled up $20 bill that I first heard the phrase, “I have no explanation for what happened.”  Right then, I knew one thing. It was time for me, as a fledgling prophet, to start the world’s next great religion, Belichickistry.  This new religion legitimizes Johnny Manziel.

It is so simple, based on a zen-like focus that allows one to do literally anything as long you never ever stray from the script of, “I have no explanation for what happened.”

A Belichickistry world is my vision of utopia. If my predictions are wrong, I have no explanation for what happened.

But it extends far beyond me and my future reputation as a prophet trying to compete with the established religious brands. Belichickistry is a religion that can save you a lot of trouble up front. All those other religions have that stuff about being nice, whereas Belichickistry is a religion of ignorance as explanation. Anyone willing to offer “no explanation for what happened” can join this religion.

I am Deflated McGee, and I am a NFL prophet. One more thing. Don’t go drawing any cartoons of me. If you do, you know whatzgonnahappen.

BYE AT BROWNS – The Cleveland Browns issue a statement claiming the franchise has chosen not to participate in the first 49 Super Bowls as a way to protest and highlight inequality in the world. “As long as there is inequality in the world, the Cleveland Browns will refuse to participate in any Super Bowl, from here to eternity,” said the statement, using Sanctimonious font.

SUPER BOWL XLVIIII IN ARIZONA
SEAHAWKS VERSUS PATRIOTS

The psychology of the matchup of this game is one of the more fascinating in recent memory.

The two coaches, Pete Carroll and Bill Belichick, are the Yin and Yang of the NFL. Bubbly Pete and Dour Bill.

The mighty Seattle Seahawks, who did not cheat, had to pull off a a miracle finish against the bumbling Packers just to get to the Super Bowl. Prior to that game against the Packers, I had the Seahawks figured to roll to another championship. Now? They look vulnerable, plus they don’t even cheat.

On the other hand, matchup-wise, the Seahawks seem like the better team. Although a number of areas in the matchup are equal, it’s hard to imagine the Patriots will be able to stop  Marshawn Lynch for four quarters. And if they do, they’ll have to commit too much up front to be able to stop some big throws by Russell Wilson.

Of course, the Patriots cheat. That’s something the Seahawks may have no answer for. But really, how do the Patriots respond to all these swirling accusations? History says they use it to fuel them. Cheating or not, Tom Brady can beat anyone in any kind of game, from grind-it-out to a shootout. And the Seahawks, embodied by the swagger of Richard Sherman, do not back down to anyone.

This is a heavyweight fight in the way heavyweight fights used to be before Mike Tyson bit Evander Holyfield’s ear. I fear football is going in the direction of what was once my beloved boxing. In my lifetime, the first Ali / Frazier fight was the biggest sporting event ever. Now, no one even cares about boxing.

I don’t know what it all means but this Super Bowl feels like Ali / Frazier, and I can’t wait.

PREGAME:
The first 12 ads of the day are from the Cult Of Mindless Cell Phone Users, about how the world inside of a tiny screen is so much better than the big world outside of the tiny screen. There will be so many of these ads throughout the day, that many people will be convinced. This is how brainwashing, I mean advertising, works. John Legend sings America The Beautiful, and Idina Menzel sings the National Anthem. While no one is looking, the Patriots ball boys get to work.

COIN FLIP:
When the ref asks the Patriots if they want to look at the coin, the Patriots send out honorary captain Penn Gillette, who legally changed his last name from Jillette to Gillette for this game. The Patriots magician with the right name examined the coin, and then with sleight of hand gives the referee back a two-headed coin. The referee, oblivious, flips the coin. The Patriots call heads, and defer. Seahawks start with the ball.

FIRST QUARTER:
The kickoff is not returned. The Seahawks start at the 20 and run Marshawn Lynch for 12 straight plays, right into the end zone. The Patriots start at their own 20 next. On the first play from scrimmage, Tom Brady is sacked by a blitzing Richard Sherman, who then pulls out a lie detector machine and waves it in Brady’s face. Sherman is called for a penalty, taunting. That is the first of the Seahawks many taunting penalties. The Patriots then try to run Legarrette Blount three times, but all three times Blount is smoked by the Seahawks, who play in Washington state, where it’s legal. The Patriots defense stiffens a little on the next couple of drives, holding the Seahawks to field goals. Meanwhile, the Patriots offensive line does not appear to be cheating. Seahawks 13, Patriots 0

SECOND QUARTER:
The Patriots start the second quarter with the ball at their own 7. A couple of quick passes to Julian Edleman, and one to Danny Amendola moves the chains toward midfield. The offense is hurrying up, and the Patriots seem to have already abandoned the run. On the sideline, Bill Belichick gives the ballboy a high-five. But the Patriots offense stalls, and on third down Brady throws his first pass of the game to Rob Gronkowski. The pass is broken up by Richard Sherman, alerting Bill Belichick that Pete Carroll knows how to play chess too. The next Seahawks drive lasts six minutes and ends with a Wilson scramble into the corner of the end zone. With a minute to go before half, the Patriots drive 40 yards, and Stephen Gostkowski, using a special inflated football, kicks a field goal. Seahawks 20, Patriots 3

HALFTIME:
Katy Perry will be singing a bunch of songs I don’t know, but I wish she’d sing that “Hey Mickey” song from decades ago. Like many Americans, I will be switching to the Puppy Bowl, or the Kitty Bowl, or, what I am really looking to find, the Alligator Versus Kitty Bowl. By halftime, it is estimated that 50 percent of all Americans have purchased a new phone in the first half. And in the Patriots locker room, Bill Belichick has a law firm is scouring the rulebook for more “gray areas” for which he can have no explanation for what happened.

THIRD QUARTER:
The first play from scrimmage is a 45-yard pass from Brady to Gronkowski. On the Patriots sideline, the ballboys are partying with strippers and champagne. They have actually set up a stripper pole next to the Gatorade. Belichick looks over to them and mutters to himself, “I have no explanation for what happened.”  On the field, even the running game gets going, as there is an actual Jonas Gray sighting. Julian Edelman scores on a 20-yard pass. But on the next drive, the Seahawks march down the field and Lynch scores his second touchdown of the day. On the final drive of the quarter, the Patriots stall but get a field goal. Belichick is so angry, he orders the stripper pole removed. Seahawks 27, Patriots 13

FOURTH QUARTER:
The Seahawks run out almost four minutes of time with their first drive, and settle for a field goal. With the score 30-13, they have 11 minutes and six seconds to go until they celebrate. But 11 minutes and six seconds is 666 seconds, which gives Bill Belichick goosebumps, since 666 is his favorite number. Inexplicably, the stripper pole is back on the sideline. And who is swinging off of it? None other than Tom Brady’s wife, Gisele Bundchen, the highest paid supermodel in the world since Cleopatra herself. Brady yells to the Seahawks defense, “Hey, check out my wife!” When they do, Brady throws a touchdown pass. After two more touchdown passes, Brady yells, “Suckers! Unlike me, she doesn’t cheat… as far as I know.” Patriots 34, Seahawks 30

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This column is sponsored by The Integrity Of The NFL, a new fictional show from the creators of Breaking Bad.

Re-elected by you, my liberal agenda is clear. The Cleveland Browns will win Super Bowl XLVII. It’s my second term, I am all in.

My first order of business is to redistribute the Harbaugh family wealth. No single family should have the Super Bowl to themselves. Therefore, by executive order, the Cleveland Browns are in the Super Bowl. Party!

Yes, I’m bailing out my favorite football team. Plus just to use some of this excess political capital, I sold Kansas to the Taliban to create a multi-religious Land Of The Righteous where everyone gets a holy book and a gun. Enjoy.

Do I feel entitled? According to my new tax code, Aaron Rodgers is now a Cleveland Brown.

The Baltimore Ravens versus the San Francisco 49ers in the Super Bowl? Who said that, FOX News, FOX sports? Karl Rove and Terry Bradshaw are hilarious. Oh, I get it. Super Bowl XLVII is some kind of Catfish scam; an imaginary matchup. How come the Cleveland Browns aren’t in the game?

I believe the Cleveland Browns are going to win this Super Bowl. Sure, I am delusional but if you think delusional is bad, you are delusional. Delusions make the world go round. Trust me.

I am no George W. Bush chasing imaginary weapons of mass destruction. My Super Bowl conspiracy theory is true, and I know all about true conspiracy theories. I am a Kenyan-born socialist flag-burning gay handicapped Spanish speaking Muslim woman with a lifetime membership to an abortion clinic. I can’t fool anyone.

So heck, to replace Kansas on the flag that I like to burn for fuel because I don’t like fossil fuels, Washington DC is now a state. Watch out, Texas. I’m also looking for room on the flag for Puerto Rico. Plus once Fidel Castro dies, it’s only a matter of time until Cuba is a state and Havana gets an NFL team, the Havana Hawks.

That’s how I plan to solve immigration… with NFL expansion. It’s so much kinder than standard colonization. Truth.

So, Ravens and 49ers in the Super Bowl in Barack Obama’s America?

Against all my instincts, I am allowing this to happen. Don’t tell me I am not bipartisan. I’ve seen the intelligence reports from the CIA and the Navy Seals. The Harbaugh brothers have been plotting for decades, and no one can stop whatzgonnahappen.

BYE AT BROWNS – Like Joe Namath, I guarantee the Cleveland Browns will not lose the Super Bowl. Now that Vince Lombardi is the general manager, it’s only a matter of time before they are hanging a banner from the ceiling. A championship banner, or Joe Banner.

SUPER BOWL XLVII – RAVENS VERSUS 49ERS

The original electric football game played decades ago between the Harbaugh brothers had the 49ers winning, followed by the coaches wrestling and breaking Mom’s favorite vase. Ray Lewis announces a new promotion with Papa John’s – they’ll give a free pizza away for every murder he gets away with. I’ll have two pepperoni pizzas with extra cheese, please.

PREGAME – Roger Goodell is given the key to the city of New Orleans, but it turns out to be a bad key. It doesn’t fit and he can’t get in. The good key was given to Alicia Keyes. She sings the national anthem as a duet with Mantei Teo’s girlfriend, who prerecorded her vocals.

COIN FLIP – The $1 Trillion Commemorative Government Debt Coin comes up tails. By law, this makes the coin worth $2 Trillion. Problem solved, until the coin is stolen by former New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin. The NFC team, the 49ers, win the coin flip because that’s the way the coin is made.

FIRST QUARTER – LaMichael James watches the kickoff sail out of the end zone. A “Kaepernicking” Alex Smith misses as he tries to trip Colin Kaepernick running onto the field. Trying to explain the 49ers offense, Phil Simms uses the word “pistol” so many times that the NRA elects him president. But Ray Lewis proves worthy of stopping a speeding bullet in its tracks. Kaepernick has jitters. After a punt, Ray Rice goes to work for five plays until the 49ers are ready for him. That’s when Joe Flacco hits Torrey Smith on a long bomb. (Ravens 7, 49ers 0) So another kickoff to LaMichael James, who this time shoots tho ball down as if it is a clay pigeon and then returns it to the 35. He thanks Phil Simms, President of the National Rifle Association. On the ensuing drive, Kaepernick and Frank Gore run the 49ers into field goal range.  Ravens 7, 49ers 3

SECOND QUARTER – Jacoby Jones, having seen LaMichael James clay pigeon strategy, employs a butterfly net to snare the ball on the kickoff. After all that effort, he only gets the ball back to the 12-yard line, proving the wisdom of the Second Amendment. Backed up, the Ravens stall and punt. Then the 49ers do the same. The field position game has begun and the 49ers pin the Ravens back by the goal line again. But after one 10-yard Ray Rice run, Joe Flacco comes out throwing. Anquan Boldin does the catching. Over the middle, down the sidelines. In the end zone. (Ravens 14, 49ers 3) As the Ravens score the second touchdown, Jim Harbaugh calls his Mom to tell her how John broke her vase. But then Colin Kaepernick breaks off a run and slices through Ray Lewis and the Ravens defense like a murderous knife.  Ravens 14, 49ers 10

HALFTIME – Beyonce is followed by a committee of Republicans trying to find a way to impeach Obama for her lip-synching at the inauguration. So she puts them in the halftime show as dancers. Eric Cantor and John Boehner are so flamboyantly spectacular that no one buys anything sold in any $4 million commercials. Singlehandedly, Cantor’s and Boehner’s artistry destroy the American economy but they call it a success because Beyonce is now the only one in the country with money, and she is obviously a job creator.

THIRD QUARTER – All eleven Ravens on the kickoff team have assault weapons to shoot the kickoff down. The largest piece of the ball is recovered by the Ravens at their own 41-yard line. But Joe Flacco, under heavy pressure, throws the ball to Patrick Willis, who runs it to the Ravens 20. Frank Gore than gores the Ray Lewis defense, and Michael Crabtree makes a spectacular touchdown catch. The 49ers take their first lead of the game. (49ers 17, Ravens 14) The Ravens are ready with a North Korean missile to shoot down the kickoff, but the missile malfunctions. Taking the ball at their own 20, they ride Ray Rice and a short, patient passing game on 15-play drive ending with a two-yard Rice touchdown run. Ravens 21, 49ers 17

FOURTH QUARTER – The 49ers build a Death Star to shoot the football out of the sky and into the hands of LaMichael James, who runs the ball back to the Ravens 33-yard line. By mistake, the Death Star shoots two shots, and one hits Ray Lewis right between the eyes. Jim Harbaugh does a shout out to No-Soul Nerdy McGeek, his special teams consultant from Silicon Valley. On the first play after the kickoff, Kaepernick throw a perfect pass to Randy Moss in the corner of the end zone. (49ers 24, Ravens 21) Moss yells out, “I wish I was a New England Patriot.” On the next kickoff, the criminals from the cast of The Wire take aim at the football as if it just stole all the crack in Baltimore. Jacoby Jones returns the ball to the 47-yard line. And after two small Ray Rice Runs, Joe Flacco hits Torrey Smith wide open and in stride. Ravens 28, 49ers 24.

FINAL SCORE; Ravens 28, 49ers 24

POSTGAME: The Baltimore Ravens are world champions. Ray Lewis is named MVP. Art Modell is elected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame. All of this proves that God, the sports fan, hates Cleveland.

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This column is sponsored by Crazy About Concussions, An Advocacy Group

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Please check out this new new website for my book on The North Face with Hap Klopp! http://hapklopp.com/

Thank you!

Also, please “like” this FACEBOOK page

http://www.facebook.com/ConqueringTheNorthFace

– Bob Dylan

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The ancient Mayans and Nostradamus are Cleveland Browns fans who met on Facebook. They went to Applebee’s to predict Super Bowl XLV. They were tied in their fantasy league.

The ancient Mayans used an iPhone prophecy app , common in their time, to predict the outcome of the Pittsburgh Steelers versus the Green Bay Packers. Nostradamus called over the bartender. He ordered a round of beers, sweet tarot cards, and a genuine replica crystal ball. It was sacred religious moment. Sacred secular too. Money was exchanged.

Nostradamus pulled out his iPad and googled “visions.” The bartender brought him a draft Pabst Blue Ribbon. The bartender mistook Nostradamus for a hipster. A gypsy woman brought the tarot cards and a genuine replica crystal ball purchased on eBay. She sat and joined the boys and watched a commercial on the flatscreen TV. Her name was Gypsy Jones.

The ancient Mayans tipped the bartender: “Exercise is good for you,” they all said in unison.

While Nostradamus searched websites for a vision, the ancient Mayans bragged to him of their choice of technology. “The great time-traveling Steve Jobs visited us first,” they said.

“Yeah, he brought you that crappy first-generation iPhone,” said Nostradamus, all snarky like. Suddenly he barked, “I got it! Oh wait. Wrong site. I found the end of the world as we know it.”

The ancient Mayans and Gypsy Jones already knew of the impending demise of the 16-week NFL season. Like all sports fans, they hated knowing about upcoming labor disputes almost as much as they hated politicians that started predictable wars. They complained of headaches.

Nostradamus guzzled his PBR. He stroked his long gray beard and searched some more. Suddenly he stopped and his eyes teared up. The ancient Mayans and Gypsy Jones rushed to his side. “I am a seer of the Cleveland Browns winning the Super Bowl in the year…” But Nostradamus couldn’t finish. He was overcome with emotion. He added, simply, “I have discovered Whatzgonnahappen.”

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PREGAME: Keith Urban tweets a duet with fans on smartphones around the world. Christina Aguilera sings the National Anthem, but when she gets to the line, “the home of the brave,” Maurice Jones-Drew runs on the stage like Kayne West and asks if she means Jay Cutler too?

COIN FLIP: “Hold on,” says the referee. “We’re trying to borrow a coin from China.” When they finally locate a coin, both Clay Mathews and Troy Polamalu call “Hair.” Packers ball, by a hair.

FIRST QUARTER: Aaron Rodgers drives the Packers to the Steelers 20 and then tosses an interception to Polamalu. Ben Roethlisberger can’t be found at the beginning of the game because he’s in the bathroom with a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader. Standing guard outside the bathroom is Brett Favre. Commissioner Roger Goodell suspends Big Ben for the first six minutes of the game. When Roethlisberger returns, he proves adept at handing the ball off to Rashard Mendenhall. Packer 0, Steelers 7

SECOND QUARTER: Aaron Rogers hits the fleet and sure-handed B.J. Raji on a deep out pattern for 25 yards. On the next play as Donald Driver crosses the middle, James Harrison tries to give a clinic on helmet-to-helmet hits. But the receiver quickly and legally (like the Chad Johnson/Ochocinco/Johnson) changes his name to “Donald Duck.” In fact, the Packers score two touchdowns and a field goal, mostly on the arm of their quarterback. James Starks discovers that a Steel Curtain has descended. Meanwhile, Roethlisberger hates long-haired blond linebackers. Packers 17, Steelers 10

HALFTIME: The Black-Eyed Peas dedicate their hit, “Let’s Get Retarded” to the First Amendment, the Tea Party, everyone waving a Terrible Towel.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

THIRD QUARTER: After taking the kickoff to the 31, Roethlisberger starts throwing to tight end Heath Miller. Someone with a cheesehead commences nervously eating their hat. By the time Hines Ward catches a two-yard touchdown pass, the hat is gone. There is only a cracker. At this point, defense takes over for both teams. Just before the quarter ends, Brett Favre tries to sneak into the Packers huddle wearing a Groucho Marx nose and glasses. Packers 17, Steelers 17

FOURTH QUARTER: Fox shows a promo for their reality show, “Bart Starr Punches Terry Bradshaw in the Nose.” John Madden returns for a cameo: “Pow!” he says.  On the field, the game turns into a battle of field position and stalling offenses. Each team punts three times. Each team misses one field goal. It is time to test the new overtime rules.  Packers 17, Steelers 17

OVERTIME: The Steelers get the ball first and drive to the 18. On fourth and 4, the Steelers kick a field goal and Ben Roethlisberger starts yelling, “I’m going to Disney World!” But Ben wasn’t on the active roster when the team explained the new overtime rules. After a touchback, the Packers start at their own 20 and Rodgers throws four complete passes in a row to drive to the Steelers 20. On each pass, Harrison just misses getting to Rodgers. On each pass, Polamalu just misses an interception. Rodgers is doing it on purpose. He is penalized for taunting. With the ball at the 35, he hits Donald Driver in the back of the end zone. The ball flies one inch over Polamalu’s reach.  Packers 23, Steelers 20

POSTGAME: Brett Favre interrupts the presentation of the Lombardi trophy to announce he is ending his retirement. Bears fan Barack Obama tells the Packers they are not welcome at the White House.

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This column is sponsored by Freecheezeburgerz.