And you tell me
Over and over and over again, my friend
Ah, you don’t believe
We’re on the eve of destruction
– Barry McGuire
—
These Week 13 NFL Picks come to you from the Biblical end of time. War, flood, famine – Johnny Manziel on the bench.
The Book of Namath; 3.16 says, “If the one known as Johnny Football stays on the bench, the Cleveland Browns will continue to suck. So just give up.”
Some Bible passages can be quite surprising.
Speaking of surprising, we heard on FOX News that the coach of the Cleveland Browns will not even utter the words, “Radical it’s chronic errorism.”
It is sad how politically correct this the coach has become by refusing to name the enemy that is leading this season to the brink of apocalypse.
This coach instead tries to shift the focus to climate change, and then he blames his small, lying drinking celebrity quarterback for that climate.
So sure, climate change is the problem. The Cleveland Browns need a climate change.
The small, lying, drinking celebrity quarterback is not the problem. The mistakes are the problem. And now, here we are, closing in soon on the end of the season.
Yet another apocalypse. Yawn. Wake me when it’s over.
Until then, all the prophets know whatzgonnahappen.
PACKERS AT LIONS – The Thursday Night Football prayer line remains open for business. Packers 27, Lions 23
49ers AT BEARS – The Bears are more respectable than the 49ers. So is your dirty bathroom. Bears 30, 49ers 19
BENGALS AT BROWNS – I was like, “Far out and shagadellic,” when I heard that Austin Powers is starting at quarterback for the Cleveland Browns. Browns 44, Bengals 6
JAGUARS AT TITANS – The Blake Bortles/Marcus Mariota rivalry continues, said nobody.
Titans 20, Jaguars 17
TEXANS AT BILLS- Brian Hoyer makes Rex Ryan’s defense look like Rob Ryan’s defense. Texans 29, Bills 15
RAVENS AT DOLPHINS – Draft position is on the line in this game where the loser wins. Ravens 20, Dolphins 19
PANTHERS AT SAINTS – If the Saints didn’t normally only play seven players on defense, I’d call this a trap game because the Panthers can’t win every game, can they? Panthers 36, Saints 20
SEAHAWKS AT VIKINGS – Adiian Peterson carries the Vikings. Vikings 24, Seahawks 20
CARDINALS AT RAMS – The Rams spend the entire game arguing about how to decorate the locker room in Los Angeles. Cardinals 33, Rams 23
FALCONS AT BUCCANEERS – I already like Jameis Winston better than Matt Ryan. Buccaneers 22, Falcons 21
JETS AT GIANTS – Eli Manning is the better mediocre quarterback. Giants 23, Jets 17
BRONCOS AT CHARGERS – And this is where the Brock Osweiler mirage comes to an end. Chargers 24, Broncos 13
CHIEFS AT RAIDERS – The Chiefs have won five in a row. That ends here. Raiders 24, Chiefs 20
EAGLES AT PATRIOTS – The Patriots are so confident that they feel they don’t even need to cheat to win this game. But they cheat anyway, because that’s their thing. That and winning. With the referees help, they hold the Eagles to one point. Patriots 100, Eagles 1
COLTS AT STEELERS – Jim Irsay now owns instruments of each one of The Beatles. He brags about that while his team gets whipped. Steelers 34, Colts 17
COWBOYS AT REDSKINS – Jerry Jones breeds a skunk and a rat together so that he can sign the offspring to play linebacker. Redskins 24, Cowboys 23
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