Guess who just got back today?
Them wild-eyed boys that’d been away
Haven’t changed, had much to say
But man, I still think those cats are crazy
– Thin Lizzy

According to a new explosive book, the guy who writes these Wildcard Weekend NFL Picks is a clueless unstable fool who likes an NFL team just because they wear orange on their head.

This book, called, “The Coach Should Be Fired, The Fans Are Furious” claims the childish writer of this column is so prone to crazy whims that he will cheer for any shitty quarterback who happens to wear a Cleveland Browns uniform.

And get this. This book claims that this column will predict the Browns to win this weekend, even though the Browns are not in the NFL playoffs, and barely in the NFL.

Yes, the book is about life inside my little white house. The author is a jerk.

The author, I think, is also vengeful and sneaky. Duplicitous even. He got his way into my good graces, and then turned on me. But forget that. I deny I even know the author of this book. Never met him.

Because of this book, I am now paranoid that people will think that I like the Cleveland Browns, which I do. But there’s really no reason to tell anyone such a dark personal secret.

Still, I am proud as well as paranoid. This is because of President Donald J. Trump, America’s supreme leader and the only president ever with the same hair color as the burnt orange of the Cleveland Browns helmet. He is my hero, as he is yours because he is, in his own words, “a very stable genius.”

Because of President Trump, I do not believe the fake news that claims the Cleveland Browns went 0-16 this season. No one could believe such lies.

Because of this book, I am now paranoid that people will think that I like the Cleveland Browns, which I do. But there’s really no reason to tell anyone such a dark personal secret.

I believe that, just like Trump, the Cleveland Browns have been winning bigly. His one year in office, like the Browns past two years (1-31 record, according to the fake news) in the NFL, has been awesome. I, literally, am in awe.

But back to that explosive book. This column (yes, I am the author who was granted unprecedented access to the idiot’s life) has spent a year embedded inside this moron’s white house, and it is clear that everyone around him hates him.

Those people are just like you, his faithful reader(s), who read this (the only plausible reason) to increase your own sense of superiority. He has no clue, but I am on to you and them, and him.

“He roots for the Browns,” said one anonymous source, who looked just like the columnist’s lovely, long-suffering wife – except for the large nose, big glasses, and a thick black plastic mustache.

“He hasn’t seen a real NFL game in more than 20 years,” said the anonymous source. “He’s not qualified for this. The only thing he does anymore is say, ‘Bernie Kosar was better than this.’ He says it all day long.”

That’s not all I do. Sometimes I hit myself in the head with a hammer and say I can’t wait to see whatzgonnhappen.

TITANS AT CHIEFS – The last run of Alex Smith in Kansas City continues. Chiefs 23, Titans 21

FALCONS AT RAMS – Jared Goff is already better than Matt Ryan. Rams 34, Falcons 26

BILLS AT JAGUARS – Blake Bortles has more ability to lose a game than Tyrod Taylor. Bills 23, Jaguars 13

PANTHERS AT SAINTS – Drew Brees realizes he needs to brand himself like Tom Brady, AKA Tom Cruise. Saints 30, Panthers 23

BYE AT PATRIOTS – Bill Belichick hires the Kardashian family.

BYE AT EAGLES – Nick Foles looks everywhere for his lost lucky charm.

BYE AT STEELERS – Mike Tomlin teaches his weekly yoga class.

BYE AT VIKINGS – Case Keenum takes it one day at a time.

BROWNS IN HELL – Nothing to see here. Everything is fine. There’s even going to be a parade!

This column is sponsored by the group, formed in January 2016, Atheists Praying

Deprecated: ltrim(): Passing null to parameter #1 ($string) of type string is deprecated in /home/briantarcy/public_html/ on line 3031

This article has 596 comments

  1. Pingback: How many hours apart should you take antibiotics 2 times a day stromectol?

  2. Pingback: Can antibiotics be used to treat infections in patients with ulcerative colitis ivermectin 12mg?

  3. Pingback: online pharmacy cialis

  4. Pingback: How do I check myself for worms ivermectin toxicity in dogs?

  5. Pingback: Is Primatene Mist as good as albuterol symbicort inhaler generic brand?

  6. Pingback: top 10 pharmacies in india

  7. Pingback: What is the most common cause of death in COPD?

  8. Pingback: Should I be worried about a cough that won't go away?

  9. Pingback: Can you get high on albuterol sulfate?

  10. Pingback: п»їlegitimate online pharmacies india

  11. Pingback: cost of doxycycline online canada

  12. Pingback: What is an asthma cough like albuterol sulfate?

  13. Pingback: canadian pharmacy in tampa fl?

  14. Pingback: paxlovid pill

  15. Pingback: canadian government approved online pharmacies?

  16. Pingback: paxlovid price

  17. Pingback: meritking

  18. Pingback: Is honey natural antibiotic Zithromax 500 tablet?

  19. Pingback: Can antibiotics treat amebiasis?

  20. Pingback: What should I eat while on antibiotics Azithromycin 500?

  21. Pingback: Do impotent men release sperm??

  22. Pingback: What age does Morning Wood End??

  23. Pingback: What magazines Can I get free with Amazon Prime cost of cialis walgreens??

  24. Pingback: What is a low value woman cialis commercial bathtub??

  25. Pingback: How long does it take for L-Arginine to work for ED??

  26. Pingback: What makes a guy like a woman??

  27. Pingback: What is a prostate wash??

  28. Pingback: What's a good male aphrodisiac??

  29. Pingback: rexall pharmacy amoxicillin 500mg

  30. Pingback: order amoxicillin online uk

  31. Pingback: Priligy is generally well-tolerated, with few serious side effects.?

  32. Pingback: It should also not be used by men who are taking medications for depression or other psychiatric disorders, as it can interact with these medications.?

  33. Pingback: best online canadian pharmacy

  34. Pingback: Is it obvious that someone has an STD??

  35. Pingback: Can too many antibiotics cause harm??

  36. Pingback: ivermectin cost

  37. Pingback: ivermectin cream canada cost

  38. Pingback: izmir escort

  39. Pingback: buy misoprostol over the counter

  40. Pingback: buy cytotec pills online cheap

  41. Pingback: mexican border pharmacies shipping to usa

  42. Pingback: child porn

  43. Pingback: stromectol prices

  44. Pingback: ivermectin 3

  45. Pingback: porn

  46. Pingback: canadian pharmacy online reviews

Leave a Reply