2013 Season

Hey Washington, American Voter here with my week 7 NFL picks to distract you from your recent awesome antics. I compare your leadership to the leadership of Cleveland Browns quarterback, Brandon Weeden, the best quarterback in the NFL. I have been commode-hugging sick listening to you, my government, lie to each other in the most…

Now you know how to be dumb Are you ready to take your place In the modern museum of mistakes? – Elvis Costello — Hey, John Boehner of Ohio here with your week 6 NFL picks, and saying it’s time for the Cleveland Browns to win the Super Bowl or I will break the world’s…

It’s the end of the world as we know it And I feel fine – R.E.M. — The Cleveland Browns are in first place, so I am afraid of the Apocalypse. I called the government, but they are afraid too. They have shut down. Also, the Cleveland Indians are in the playoffs. I did not…

I look inside myself and see my heart is black I see my red door and I must have it painted black Maybe then I’ll fade away and not have to face the facts It’s not easy facing up when your whole world is black – Rolling Stones — Hi, I am Senator Ted Cruz…

Cryin’ won’t help you, and prayin’ won’t do you no good When the levee breaks, mama, you gotta move – Led Zeppelin — So I saw that the Pope said it was okay for the Cleveland Browns to trade Trent Richardson. I smell chemicals. Did Assad hit my living room? That’s not what the Pope…

Communication breakdown, it’s always the same I’m having a nervous breakdown, drive me insane! – Led Zeppelin — The fantasy football league I joined is toxic, and seems to go by the rules of RISK. As you can tell, I’ve got no friends so I joined this random league and it turned out to be…

I can’t seem to face up to the facts I’m tense and nervous and I can’t relax I can’t sleep ’cause my bed’s on fire Don’t touch me I’m a real live wire Psycho killer – Talking Heads — Hey, it’s Aaron Hernandez predicting week 1 in the NFL from here in jail. Yo, what’s…