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What's Gonna Happen – Page 14 – A political humor column masquerading as NFL Picks

In that case I’ll go underground Get some heavy rest Never have to worry About what is worst and what is best – Van Morrison I just arrived in New Hampshire after voting eight times in Iowa, where I picked up these 2012 NFL Wild Card Weekend predictions from Michele Bachman. So yeah, these are…

It’s the end of the world as we know it And I feel fine – R.E.M. The Mayans’ week 17 NFL picks, at the cusp of the year 2012, signal the end of the world. Or maybe the end of the NFL season. As if there is a difference. As a Browns fan, the end…

They got a name for the winners in the world I want a name when I lose They call Alabama the Crimson Tide Call me Deacon Blues – Steely Dan Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as these week 16 NFL picks are accurate. How dreary the world would be…

What a field day for the heat A thousand people in the street Singing songs and carrying signs Mostly say, hooray for our side – Buffalo Springfield These Week 15 NFL Picks are a protest. What am I protesting against? I am protesting against God for finally declaring which NFL team he roots for. I…

I am he as you are he and you are me And we are all together – The Beatle If I was Mitt Romney, I would bet $10,000 on these week 14 NFL picks. But why would I want to be Mitt Romney? However, if I was Albert Pujols, I would bet $254 million on…

Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap Dirty deeds and they’re done dirt cheap – AC/DC Do you ever want to stomp on someone and say, these are my Week 13 NFL Picks? Well, you’re in luck. For two weeks only, the Ndamukong Suh Suggesturizer is available to the public. On a very limited basis, you can…

Although this is a fight I can lose The accused is an innocent man – Billy Joel — Legal Brief: The turkey is innocent of all charges, but pleads guilty and offers these Week 12 NFL picks in lieu of the traditional fine of one delicious meal. The turkey is appealing for an emergency injunction…

I said now, watch what you say, now we’re calling you a radical, liberal, fanatical, criminal Won’t you sign up your name, we’d like to feel your acceptable, respectable, presentable, a vegetable – Supertramp Press Release – After much bickering, the bipartisan Congressional Cleveland Browns Quit-Losing Super Committee offered these Week 11 NFL Picks to…

I feel stupid and contagious Here we are now, entertain us – Nirvana The United States Department of Um, created by Texas Governor Rick Perry, would like to celebrate our 3-day anniversary by offering these Week 10 NFL picks and, um. This Department doesn’t care if Donovan McNabb fails any more than if Philip Rivers…

Many times we shared our thoughts But did you ever notice the kind of thoughts I got? – Johnny Cash Did you ever notice that my week 9 picks seem heaven-sent? I spent my life as a New York Giants fan but then I went to heaven and discovered this place is littered with Cleveland…