You call me a fool You say it’s a crazy scheme This one’s for real I already bought the dream – Steely Dan — These holiday week 16 NFL picks are 50 percent off. But wait, there’s more – you get an organic free-range concussion, and a life-size poster of Mitch McConnell if you order…
You better watch out You better not cry You better not pout I’m telling you why – J. Fred Coots & Haven Gillespie — Dear Santa, I believe in you. That’s why I tripped the opposing prognosticator as he was running to the liquor store. But I don’t think I’ve been naughty. I adapted to…
These week 14 NFL Picks are a cowardly compromise. Everyone knows that compromise is for wussies.
The President wanted only those gambling less than $250,000 on the New England Patriots to have access
It’s no secret is that a friend is someone who lets you help It’s no secret that a liar won’t believe anyone else – U2 — Julian Assange has leaked my week 13 NFL picks to the media. He stole them from my brain. All that I can do now is deny that I know…
Come together right now over me – The Beatles — These week 12 NFL Picks can’t dance, but they are related to a turkey. For those of you hating on these week 12 NFL picks and the turkey, now is your last chance to shoot your television before these NFL picks flip you the middle…
Hands, touching hands, reaching out Touching me, touching you – Neil Diamond — To ensure that these week 11 NFL picks are safe, you are going to have to let me touch your junk. Hey, don’t blame the junk toucher. I was hired by the government. This was the only job I could find. On…
A moment of steel A dry-eyed house Did he say goodbye to you Or did you kick him out? – John Hiatt — These Week 10 NFL Picks thought the world liked us, but the Picks just made a mental note of everything the world has said. China just laughed at us, and South Korea…
I want you to want me I need you to need me I’d love you to love me – Cheap Trick — These week 9 NFL picks want to thank you for your vote, and remind you that we are going to fix everything just like we did the last time we ran things. We…
You must really consider the circus It just might be your kind of zoo I can’t think of a place that’s more perfect For a person as perfect as you – The Grateful Dead — My opponent for the job of Week 8 NFL Prognosticator was Brett Favre’s penis photographer. Plus, she’s a witch. And…
I’d rather laugh with the sinners Than cry with the saints The sinners are much more fun – Billy Joel — When James Harrison and Brandon Meriweather suggested that I not make these Week 7 NFL picks because I have the mental capacity of a green pepper, I scoffed. Sure my head hurts from the…