I was born in a crossfire hurricane And I howled at my ma in the driving rain But it’s all right now, in fact it’s a gas – The Rolling Stones These week 6 NFL picks contain approximately zero lies about my fish-fornicating opponent. He is lying when he says the Cleveland Browns are 0-5….
Poor man wanna be rich Rich man wanna be king And a king ain’t satisfied Till he rules everything – Bruce Springsteen These week 5 NFL picks have been moderated and debated. It turns out that I am entitled to my own facts. So let me talk specifically about how the 0-4 Cleveland Browns are…
If loving you is wrong, I don’t want to be right – Tom Jones These week 4 NFL picks are wrong, dead wrong. There’s clear evidence. Still, I insist they are right because they come from the fellows at Foot Locker. In fact, these picks are so wrong that Democrats and Republicans agree they are…
Well, I don’t want no Short People Don’t want no Short People Don’t want no Short People ‘Round Here – Randy Newman These week 3 NFL picks, secretly filmed and translated into Stupid, are meant to insult half of the teams in the NFL. Losers, but not the Browns, are victims. But wait! These week…
Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide No escape from reality – Queen These week 2 NFL picks come from the Democratic party, and are therefore welfare-state liberal in suggesting that the Cleveland Browns deserve to win. — Dead Ted Kennedy: In order to reliably create week 2 NFL…
Said there ain’t no use in crying Cause it will only, only drive you mad Does it hurt to hear them lying? Was this the only world you had? – Led Zeppelin These week 1 NFL Picks will now be ad-libbed by Clint Eastwood and a chair as if they were written by the Founding…
He was taken to task by some critics who asked, Do you write the words or lyrics first? – The Michael Stanley Band These 2012 NFL season picks are the result of a banging-my-head-against-the-wall concussion I got after the NFL announced it’s Violence Austerity Program. I imagine someone at ESPN was watching me slam my…
Inside the museums, infinity goes up on trial – Bob Dylan — VOICE: This 2012 Super Bowl XLVI pick is an attack ad on my flip-flopping opponent, who once said that Colt McCoy would be the hero of Super Bowl XLVI. I have met my opponent, and he is me. Don’t vote for him. He…
Picture yourself in a boat on a river with tangerine trees and marmalade skies – The Beatles Abandon picks! Abandon picks! This is your Captain speaking. My NFL conference championship picks will sink you. I am currently in a massage parlor on dry land. I am talking to you by speakerphone after ditching the boat…
Don’t you know that you are a shooting star? And all the world will love you just as long As long as you are a shooting star – Bad Company After Tim Tebow threw that pass, my billionaire friend, John, gave $3.16 million to my SuperPAC called, 2012 NFL Divisional Picks For America’s Future. Would…